Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
