I must be too annoying 4 u.
so explain again why im purple
no
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
