I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
