Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
