he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
