I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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