Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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