last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
