So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
