handjob tips. give me some.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
