I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
