i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
