morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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