why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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