i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
