I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am spending my child support on dildos
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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