Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
