wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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