Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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