I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
