there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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