evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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