Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
