You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
