imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drake has all the answers
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
