no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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