as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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