Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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