we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
