you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
