i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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