By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
