she takes plan B like it's going out of style
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
