Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Barsexuality is the new black.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
