Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
