Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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