if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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