Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
