Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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