I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
