Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
