Moan for me like Helen Keller
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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