I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
