If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
