I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
