you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
