If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
