I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
