She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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