The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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