I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
