Me too!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
